tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize