I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He shit in the fireplace
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
