I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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