Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
