but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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