I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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