I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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