When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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