I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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