Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize