there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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