I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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