Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
