I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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