....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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