you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
