Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
