If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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