her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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