The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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