dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
