It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if i died would you start the facebook group?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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