Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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