The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
