He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
