Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
