Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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