final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
