im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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