marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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