the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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