just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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