Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize