May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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