I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
