actually, I'm a sock model
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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