I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
