Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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