im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
