Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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