its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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