Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
