We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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