So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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