I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
