A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
