So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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