..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
