Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
