dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
