you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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