I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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