do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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