I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
