reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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