Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
barbara walters just said penis...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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