We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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