It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
