Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
They have beer where we have blood.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize