Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
