I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
