I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
