My brain says no but my pants say off.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
