she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Alive.
So much puke
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
