Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
