My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
