he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
