the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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