my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize