This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
