you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
