Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
