he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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