Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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