i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
