Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
