He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Still dying that you shit outside
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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