I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize