If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The power of my boobs compel you
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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