The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Randomize
