I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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