The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize