Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
