you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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