I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize