so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
splinters make it hard to masturbate
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
