you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
