Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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