maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
