you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
