I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I am morally bankrupt
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize