life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
