I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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