3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it's great music for shaving your balls
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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