she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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