I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize