I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
