i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
