omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
