Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
