she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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