the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
