i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
