dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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