i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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